


sweet as strawberry milk

by Anonymous



Series: an acquired taste [1]
Category: Bakemonogatari
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Come Eating, Creampie, Dirty Talk, Fluff and Smut, Food, I just like the characters, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Praise Kink, Smut, i don’t even like this show, i use the term fluff sparingly, if you’re expecting any quality you’ll be disappointed, it’s very minor though, like so minor I don’t even think I should mention it, literally no one wanted this except me so, nothing sexy happens to it though, sorry mom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:27:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27015001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Meme pays Kaiki a visit.
Relationships: Kaiki Deishuu/Oshino Meme
Series: an acquired taste [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1971601
Kudos: 10
Collections: Anonymous Fics





	sweet as strawberry milk

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first smut, and for a fandom I’m not even in at that. Anyway, please enjoy.

Meme lets himself in.

Kaiki’s door is never locked. After all, the street he lives on is deserted. It’s a veritable ghost town.

Nobody comes, and nobody goes. In other words, it’s the perfect place for his weirdo vampire kohai to live.

The first thing he does when he gets in is drape himself over Kaiki’s stupidly comfortable couch.

Meme knew for a fact that nothing in this house costs over $200 dollars (after all, he’d been with Kaiki when he’d gone furniture shopping) yet somehow, the furniture was incredibly comfortable.

Of course, after a good half hour of lounging on Kaiki’s couch, Meme got bored. Where even was he? He’d come here specifically to see his precious kohai, little wrapped lunch in tow and everything, and he wasn’t even here.

Only seconds after the thought, The door whined open, and with little preamble, Kaiki entered.

Meme grinned.

“Welcome home, darling!”

“Ah. It’s you,” said the conman, his voice somewhere between annoyance and amusement. This wasn’t the first time Meme had come into his home uninvited, and it wouldn’t be the last.

“Here, let me get your shoes!” Meme crowed as he reached for his shoes, enjoying this game entirely too much.

Kaiki batted his hand. “Stay away from me,” he replied, though his voice lacked anger’s heat. “You’re not my wife.”

“Aww.” Meme reclined against the couch. “Am I really so repulsive that you won’t so much as let me take your shoes off?”

The black haired man shot him a look as he placed his shoes away. “Go home and find someone else to harass, Meme. I don’t have time for your shenanigans right now.”

“What could possibly be so pressing that you can’t spend time with your best friend?”

Kaiki paused, before a lie came to him. “I have rounds to make.”

“Liar,” the blonde purred. The conman stifled a shiver at the sound. “You hesitated.”

Kaiki sighed. “Will you please leave?” “

But I brought meat!” Meme protested, holding up the package. “Top quality. Best of the market.”

If Kaiki was a cat, his ears would have perked up. “Meat?”

“Milk, too.” Meme added. “Strawberry.”

The conman thought it over for a moment.

“Fine. I suppose I’ll entertain you, for the meat’s sake.”

“Is that the only reason?”

They held each other’s gaze for what felt far too long.

“Of course,” Kaiki said a bit too slow as he walked to his kitchen. “What other reason would I have to entertain someone as uncouth as you are?”

“You never know,” Meme responded coolly.

Kaiki filled he kettle halfway, and set it to boil. While he waited for it to finish, he looked through the cabinets.

“Coffee, or tea?” Kaiki said, attempting to sound cold, though his tone betrayed him.

“Mmm,” Meme ruminated. “Coffee.”

Wordlessly, Kaiki took out a case of his best coffee, and began to prepare a mug.

“It’s been so long since we met up like this, hasn’t it?” Meme asked, lazily scratching his stomach.

“Not long enough, really,” Kaiki said as he dropped five cubes of sugar into the coffee. He carried the mug to the parlor, and set them on the table.

Meme sipped at his mug and hummed in pleasure. “Mm. You always make the best coffee, Kai-chan.”

“Don’t call me that,” Kaiki snapped.

“What would you prefer?” Meme grinned. “Sweetheart? Darling? Sugartits?”

“Sugar...Meme, what the hell?” The black haired man raised his head from his mug to glare at the blonde as he cackled.

“Man...You’re so easy to tease, Kaiki.” “Shut up,” Kaiki said, heatless. “You’re just too nonsensical.”

As Meme watched the conman reach for his milk and bring it to his lips, he couldn’t stifle the laugh the tumbled out past his laps.

“What?” Kaiki asked.

“Nothing,” Meme said, waving him off. “It’s just-seeing Kaiki Deishuu, local supervillain, enjoying his favorite drink, a cold bottle of strawberry milk is kind of funny.”

Kaiki leaned back, eyes on him in a way that made his skin tingle. “What would you rather I drink?”

Meme chose not to answer, and took another sip instead. “This really is good, though. Award winning, really. It’s made with love and everything.”

Kaiki stiffened. “Love? Love?” Meme nodded, completely sure. “It’s just a mug of cheap coffee, Meme. That’s not anything like love.”

“Wrong,” Meme said, pointing his mug at Kaiki like a finger. “Love tastes like coffee made by a loved one.”

“That’s ridiculous, Meme,” The conman said, the corners of his lip twitching.

“You know how I know it’s made with love?”

“How?” Kaiki asked before he could stop himself.

“You used your nice coffee,” he announced, far too pleased with himself.

“That doesn’t mean anything,” Kaiki breathed. He reached for the parcel of meat, and unwrapped it to find bite size pieces of steak, neatly cut with a heart shaped note stuck on the inside of the parcel.

“Oh,” Kaiki said, voice odd, sounding almost tight. “You cut it for me.”

“I had some time,” The blonde replied, watching as Kaiki read the contents of the note.

“Xoxo, Meme,” Kaiki murmured.

Kaiki set the note down, reached for Meme’s hand. and he gripped it tightly. “I suppose I should thank you,” Kaiki remarked. “Even if this meat is lukewarm, and the milk is room temperature, I...enjoy your company.”

“Enjoy?” The blonde asked, implication deep in his tone.

“It’s fine,” Kaiki clarified. “

Just fine?”

“Nothing but fine. Nothing beyond fine, and nothing below fine,” Kaiki insisted.

Meme nodded slowly, almost as if in a trance. Still grasping Kaiki’s hand, the specialist lowered his face to Kaiki’s shoulder, chin resting just on top of it.

“You know,” Meme said slyly, eyes closed. “I wasn’t joking earlier.”

“What?” Kaiki replied, his voice far too breathy for his liking.

“I like this,” Meme murmured, his breath warm on Kaiki’s neck. “I like being around you, Kaiki.”

Oh.  _ Oh _ . Warmth filled Kaiki’s body, prickling at his ears and cheeks.

“It’s getting late,” He choked out.

Meme turned to the juncture between the conman’s neck and shoulder, before breathing in his scent. “I know it’s late,” The blonde murmured. “But I don’t want to leave.”

Meme turned to face Kaiki. He didn’t look at all like he usually did. His face was soft, and his eyes were lidded in a way that almost felt intimate.

“Ah.” Kaiki raised his hand to Meme’s rough cheek.

“And somehow,” Meme rumbled, dragging his lips against Kaiki’s cheek, “I don’t really think you want me.”

He closed the distance between them and slotted their mouths together.

It was a slow, sticky kiss, with just enough weight behind it to make Kaiki’s blood warm and flow south.

“ _ Kaiki _ ,” Meme shivered, voice low and appreciative, syrup-slow. “You taste good.” They had only separated just far enough to speak, forcing Meme to murmur into his mouth.

Kaiki’s blood boiled under his skin. “It’s the milk,” He rasped, his voice barely sounding like his own.

“Ah. You know, I’m not quite sure I have the feel of it down. I think I’ll need another taste,” Meme purred.

“Well then,” Kaiki murmured, grabbing hold of Meme’s shirt collar, “by all means, take one.”

It’s sloppy, to say the least. It’s wet and messy, all wet mouths and probing tongue as they kissed with the passion and fervor of years of pining.

Meme’s hands flew from the Kaiki’s shirt to tangle in his hair, purposefully messing it up. He came down to mouth at the hollow of Kaiki’s throat, relishing in the taste of salt on his tongue.

His mind was caught between  _ fuck him now  _ and _ don’t rush this _ , and he’s really starting to lean towards the former. God knows he wasn’t exactly great at denying himself.

The conman fumbled at Meme’s trousers, before settling on rutting against his crotch as they gasped into each other’s mouths.

“ _Wait_ ,” gasped out Meme. “Wait.” The blonde found the clarity to pull back. “We can’t do this here.”

“Why?” Asked Kaiki, pushing up to grind against him.

“I can’t let our first time be on some cheap couch,” Meme protested.

“I don’t  _care_ about where it is, Meme,” Kaiki said, sounding deeply irritated. 

“You’ve already wasted years beating around the bush.” The black haired man pulled him down again, breath hot against his ear. “Now rail me into this  damned couch before I lose my patience.”

“ _Fuck_ , Kai,” Meme wheezed, eyes closed in an effort to ground himself. “I think I almost came.”

“Deishuu,” Kaiki breathed.

“Hm?”

Kaiki reached up and pulled off his tie. “Please call me Deishuu.”

Meme nodded. “Dei-shuu,” He murmured, luxuriating in the feel of Kaiki’s name on his tongue.

He grasped at Kaiki’s shirt, unfastening the many buttons as fast as he could.

“ _Christ_ , Dei. Where the hell do you get off havin’ so many buttons?”

Rather than answer, Kaiki latched onto Meme’s neck. At that, Meme outright moaned.

“Ah,” Kaiki said, sounding all too pleased with himself, “So that’s what gets you off.”

“Shut up,” Meme murmured, ripping open the Kaiki’s shirt. “I’m not into pain, you vampire.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” Kaiki said, grasping at Meme’s crotch, You’re hard as a rock.”

Then Meme stopped, as if frozen by some unknown force.

“What?” Asked Kaiki. “What is it?”

“ _Jesus_ , Deishuu” Meme reached a hand out to brush against Kaiki’s chest.

“They’re so  _pink._ ” He thumbed at Kaiki’s nipple, marveling at how pronounced the color next to his cold, pale skin. “Like a woman’s.”

“I’m not a  _woman_ ,” Kaiki hissed, somewhere between arousal and annoyance.  I am nowhere  near a woman, despite what you’re simple mind might think.”

“Yeah, but they’re so _full_ ,” The blonde murmured, marveling at the way Kaiki’s chest filled his hands. “Think I could fuck ‘em if I tried.”

“Like I’d ever let you,” Kaiki challenged.

At that, Meme grinned. “I think I might be able to convince you,” Meme mused as he pushed the heel of his hand into Kaiki’s crotch. 

He shuddered, his hardness starting to border on painful. 

“Well, then,” the conman gestured to himself, “Convince me.” 

The blonde deftly undid Kaiki’s pants, reached for tight elastic, and pulled it over his bobbing cock.

As cold air hit the tip, Kaiki breath hitched.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Meme murmured, breathless. “You really are a master conman.” 

He gripped Kaiki’s shaft as he thumbed the angry red tip, beads of translucent precum rolling down it.

“Haha... _man_...” Meme stared, lids hooded over dark, dilated pupils. “This looks _painful_. How long has it been? 5, 10 minutes? You could’ve _said_ something, you know.”

Meme placed an open-mouthed kiss to Kaiki’s leaking tip, tongue swiping against the slit.

“ _ Fuck _ ,” the conman hissed, the word bleeding into a moan. “ _ Fuck,  _ Meme.”

As pink flushed his skin, he covered his eyes with an arm. Pressure was mounting, and he’s wasn’t sure he might last long enough for Meme to get inside him.

“Don’t cover you eyes,” Meme lightly admonished, voice low. “Don’t you want to see what happens?”

“No,” Kaiki choked out. 

Using the pre as lubricant, the blonde casually stroked Kaiki, watching him intently as he arched into his touch.

“You’re so  _cute_ , Deishuu,” Meme cooed. “I feel like I could do this forever. Just watch you unravel.”

He laved at the salt of Kaiki’s thigh.

“Mm...I really wanna blow you, but I don’t want to stop talking,” Meme mused.

“ _Please,”_ Kaiki gasped. “Meme,  _ please _ .”

The pleasure of Meme’s touch wasn’t titillating so much as the mere novelty of it was. There was just something  _ better _ about having another’s touch on you rather than resorting to your own.

“Please what?” Meme grinned lazily, resting his head on Kaiki’s thigh as he reached down to grasp at himself.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Kaiki groaned, his body screeching to a halt as he came across their chests.

Not far after, Meme came as well. They rest against each, foreheads touching, in an attempt to catch their breath.

“Well,” Meme stated, “That was nice.”

“How eloquent,” Kaiki said dryly, running a hand down his chest in a paltry attempt to clean himself.

Rather than answer, Meme ducked his head and brought their lips together once more, before being pushed away.

“Stop it, Meme! That’s disgusting!” Kaiki snapped.

“What part of it?” Meme asked, genuinely confused.

“You’re getting come on me!”

“There’s already come on you!” Meme laughed.

“That’s not a reason to put _more_ on me,” Kaiki said, scowling.

“Here, I’ll clean it up,” Meme offered.

Kaiki made a small, undignified noise as Meme bent down to drag his tongue through the wet, cooling come on Kaiki’s chest, slow and gentle.

“Mmm,” Meme hummed, pulling away when he finished cleaning. “It tastes like you...”

Kaiki pushed Meme back to settle on his lap, their cocks brushing together as he straddled him.

“You’ve had more than your fill of me now, haven’t you?”

Meme breathed hard, his eyes traveling the planes and dips of Kaiki’s body, before settling on his hardening cock. “I guess you could say that.”

“So really,” Kaiki said, scooping up the cum on Meme’s stomach with two fingers “The fair thing to do is to let me get a taste of you in return, right?”

Kaiki brought his fingers to his mouth and licked at the cum.

“Mmm.” Kaiki licked his lips, eyes dilating. “Tastes like meat.”

“ _Deishuu_ ,” hissed Meme. He dug is fingers into the fat of Kaiki’s waist, and covered his lips with a kiss.

Kaiki pulled himself up, threw his arms over Meme’s shoulders, and rocked back and against him, head tilted up.

“ _Impatient_ ,” Meme purred, eyes lidded as he watched Kaiki, the cleft of his ass just brushing against Meme’s cock. He leaned in to press a kiss to Kaiki’s sternum, slowly making his way up, worrying the skin and leavings blooms of red and purple in his wake.

“ _Ah ... _ _hah_ ,”  Kaiki grasped at Meme as his eyes stuttered closed. “I’m not  impatient , you’re just  slow.”

“ _Slow_? Meme grinned. “I’ll show  _you_ _slow_.”

He tossed Kaiki off him and onto the couch.

“Lube?” Meme asked.

Kaiki’s hand darted down in between the couch cushions and produced a slim, clear bottle.

Meme took it and squirted some on his fingers, rubbing them together to warm up.

“It warms so _fast_ ,” He marveled as he pressed a finger to Kaiki’s hole, watching him carefully before breaching.

“You okay?”

“I’m not a  doll, Meme.  Just put your fingers—“

Kaiki broke off as Meme plunged two more fingers into him, his fingers fisting the fabric of the couch.

“Oh  fuck,” Kaiki moaned lowly, head thumping down on the couch. The sensation is dizzying, and

“ _Man _ ...you take my fingers so  well , Deishuu,” Meme purred, curling his fingers inside of him. He nipped at the curve of Kaiki’s ass

At this point, Kaiki was beginning to get impatient.

“ _Please_ ,” Kaiki gasped. “ _Please_.”

“Well, since you asked so nicely...”

Meme gripped Kaiki’s waist and slowly sunk into him.

“Are you deaf, Meme?” Kaiki panted, cheeks today and eyes lidded, already looking fucked out. “I asked you to  _rail me_ ,  you—“

Meme drove into him, bottoming out in a second.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Kaiki moaned,eyebrows furrowing and nose wrinkling in pleasure. 

“ _H_ _ ah _ ...Is this it?” Meme asked, eyes lidded as his thumb stroked the side of Kaiki’s face. “Is this what you wanted from me, Dei?”

Meme punctuated the end of his sentence with a thrust, prompting another moan from Kaiki.

“Yes,  _yes,_ _please_ ,”

Kaiki’s hips jerked, and Meme’s moved to meet them.

“ _Fuck_ ,”  Meme gasped. “You’re taking me so  _well_ ,  Deishuu. So wet an’ tight,  _fuck_. 

He snapped his hips forward, hissing in pain as Kaiki’s nails raked lines of red on his back in an attempt to draw him closer. 

Meme sunk his teeth into Kaiki’s shoulder.

“Meme, Meme, _fuck_ ,  _please_ .  _Harder_ , Meme,” Kaiki whined, lifting his legs onto Meme’s shoulders, spreading himself impossibly wider.

“Even when you beg you’re so  _demanding_ ,”  Meme marveled.

Still, Meme sped up, almost shoving Kaiki headfirst into the couch arm with each push. With each thrust, he jabbed at Kaiki’s sweet spot, hard, fast, and with the slightest edge of pain.

Kaiki arched into the curve of Meme’s body, cock red and angry, losing all sense of rhythm. He felt like he was melting, slowly mixing and combining with Meme to the point where they were indistinguishable from one another. Moments later, he reached his climax.

Just the sight of Kaiki, usually cold as glass and twice as pristine, all pink and soft and  sated,  pretty pink thighs covered in cum, still clenching around Meme’s cock was enough to finally bring Meme over the edge, moaning and shuddering as he shot string after string of hot cum into Kaiki’s hole.

As Meme detached himself from Kaiki, he watched as drops of cum seeped from his hole, cursing softly under his breath. After freeing himself, he slumped onto the couch beside Kaiki.

“What a look, Deishuu. Did something good happen?” Meme teased, hand coming up to intertwine with Kaiki’s.

Kaiki’s focus drifted down their interlocked hands and the wet of Meme’s spent cock, shivering as he felt a string of cum seep out of him.

“I suppose,” Kaiki replied, leaning towards Meme’s soft touch and tender kisses, scattered across his shoulders like little constellations.

“You know,” Meme mumbled, kissing the curve of Kaiki’s ear, “I like seeing you like this.”

“Like a filthy mess?”

“No. It’s like, you’re being honest right now,” Meme mused. “About who you are. About what you want. You’re like a caterpillar that’s come out of shell.”

“Chrysalis , Meme. Not shell,” Kaiki said, lips quirking up.

“My point still stands,” Meme argued.

Rather than answer, Kaiki drew closer to Meme, putting his arms around his waist resting his head on his chest.

As the shared heat of their bodies slowly lulled them to sleep, Meme muttered something.

“Mmm?” Kaiki asked.

“We really should talk about this, shouldn’t we?” Meme asked.

“Mm.” Kaiki initiated a slow, deep kiss, and as their breaths slowed, the beginnings of something warm and intimate stirred between them. As the they separated, and Kaiki mumbled into his mouth, “Later.” 


End file.
